Are you suffering because of the past? Do you carry the past with you? Are you still fuming at your ex three years after he or she ran off with another? Why? As the saying goes, “Pain is guaranteed, but suffering is optional.” So, why do you put yourself through that?
Yes, bad experiences are painful, but they are a part of life. However, suffering for years on end is your own doing. It is not productive to continue to feel bad about experiences that happened years ago. It’s time to let it go. Letting go of the past allows for more possibilities in the future.
Here are some things you can do to detach yourself from negative experiences:
- Avoid rehashing the past. You might think that playing the incident over and over in your mind is cathartic or educational. That you can learn something from it. It’s not. Learn what you can immediately after the negative experience and then move on. Continuing to think about will allow a negative past experience to encroach on your present or future. The more mental energy you give to the past, the more it impacts the remainder of your life.
- Create new memories. An effective way to replace old memories is to create new memories. If you want to get over your ex, find someone new. Be active with your life. Join a club, make new friends, spend time doing something new. Make your new experiences so positive that the new memories overpower the old, negative memories.
- Make a conscious decision to let go of your past. Intention is everything. Proclaim your intention to yourself to let go. Make a decision to do something about the challenge you’re facing.
- Make plans. Make plans for your future. Have something exciting ahead of you that prevents you from looking behind. A bright future can be the best medicine for an unpleasant past.
- Spend more time in the present moment. Although mindfulness has been touted as a cure-all for nearly every psychological condition under the sun, dealing with the past is an ideal application for mindfulness. Mindfulness is simple, but not easy. It takes practice. For this purpose, simply pay attention to your environment and your current activity. If you’re walking your dog, pay attention to what you see. If you are paying attention to that, your thoughts aren’t on your ex-husband, the broken hot-water heater, or the report that’s due tomorrow.
- Avoid blaming others. Blaming is convenient. With blame, you let yourself off the hook for any responsibility in the matter. The animosity you feel toward the others involved keeps the past fresh in your mind. Forgive everyone and let go of your negative feelings. The past can then move further into the past, out of the present.
- Seek out peace. When you find yourself upset about the past, seek peace in your body. Breathe slowly and deeply. Allow the past to flow out of your body with each breath. Keep going until the negative feeling is gone. When you can think about the past and feel peaceful, you’re no longer under its spell.
Some things in life just don’t work out, but that doesn’t mean they have to affect the rest of your life. Forgive those that have wronged you in the past. Forgive yourself. Look forward to the future and see the exciting things that can lie ahead.
For informational purposes only. Not intended to diagnose, treat or cure any disease or ailment.
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